A liquid diet.
I shouldn't do it. For a thousand reasons I shouldn't do it. It is not healthy. It is not healthy for me. It is almost surely guaranteed to make me start bingeing again (in fact, even the thought of doing it is kicking in my "last chance" eating -- a crappy Cornetto last night, and Ben's Cookies for lunch today). It is totally incompatible with my life. (Am I supposed to stand around Mo*vida -- where I have to go tonight for, as Bridget Jones would say, a scary party with Jay Z, Chris Martin, Gwyneth and the lot -- with a Lipotrim shake in my hand?)
And yet.
And yet I'm thinking about it. Seriously. I've got my sister's wedding in a month. I'm tired of feeling like I'm spinning my wheels, not really bingeing but also not eating particularly healthfully either. Tired of catching sight of myself in the mirror in the bathroom at work and not wanting to go back into the office because I hate the reflection. Tired of wondering if Leonardo DiCaprio would have been less rude to me at the Armani party I went to the other night if I'd been thinner. (He was only allowing pretty girls to take their picture with him, so I don't doubt he vetted reporters in a similar way.) It hasn't helped my state of mind that I spent the past couple of days in Milan, looking at size zero (or less) models wearing clothes I will never ever be able to wear, and feeling like a sub-par human being because I wasn't wearing skinny jeans (or the size where skinny jeans are an option). All my life I have given the room the once over to see if I'm the heaviest one there, and in Milan I felt so conspicuous it was almost unbearable. If only my Spanx could have squeezed me into social X-ray size...
So I am thinking about it. Loving the idea of a break from any decisions about food for a few weeks. Wondering if I will be friendless at the end of it because I won't meet anyone for dinner. Wondering if I can do it. My mind is spinning with the minefields over the next few weeks and how I'll skirt them. If I'm going to do it I need to just start, because any days between the decision to do it and the official start date would be filled with last-chance eating.
Stay tuned.
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ohhh fark... last chance eating, i hear ya. my last last chance lasted two weeks :)
ReplyDeletei dunno where leo gets his lofty standards from, he's quite the chubster!
i honestly don't know how you function in that world of size zeros and wankers like leo, it sounds utterly horrifying. i mean how are you ever supposed to feel remotely normal or good about yourself? i know i'd never be out of my self-loathing pit in that environment. that's why i live in scotland in a town where it's too cold to show off your arms and everyone looks sort of dumpy and in-bred - it does wonders for your self image, i tells ya.
i will stay tuned!!! stalker-in-chief as always! :)