Beth, Row the Boat Ashore

Let's see, how can I put this delicately? I am the world's worst rower.

Put me on an erg in the gym and I get the best time of the beginner class (all 128 of us!), but put me on the water and I freeze. OK, so it is only week six – and I have missed two (crucial) weeks – but the other week I thought our cox would shove me into the water out of frustration. I couldn't remember which way my oar was supposed to go. I couldn't remember what was a backstop and a frontstop. I couldn't remember if I was stern side or bow side, stern pair or bow pair. It all kinda sorta matters when one move can capsize the boat.

Last night our cox at least was a little nicer to me, though puzzled as to why I seem to struggle so much. There are a couple of problems, I think: The first is that I missed week two, when everyone else seems to have nailed down the terminology (and some of the motions), and now I'm just hopelessly behind. The second is that I am at heart a daydreamer. You cannot daydream in team sports. Not for one second. And it matters to other people just how bad you are. This is why, I think, I prefer exercise like running and Pilates and yoga – I might not be very good at them, but at least it doesn't affect anyone else's workout (or whether they land in a disgusting river!)

I absolutely hate to quit, but I'm seriously debating not finishing out the last four weeks. While I think it's character-building to do things one is bad at, generally I like to at least enjoy the things I'm crap at (like dancing). I'm thinking my life is stressful enough without spending two hours on a Wednesday night – two hours that are supposed to be fun – completely anxious and very nearly in tears. It is a definite flashback to the fat-girl-never-picked-in-PE-class days in that I feel seriously eye-rolling and sighing from the other women who are unlucky enough to be in whatever boat I happen to be in.

And before you ask: No, it is actually not very good exercise because I am just that bad at it!

On top of all that, one of the coaches watched me on the erg and told me it was hard to judge part of my form because I had "weird-shaped elbows." Huh? Talk about a body part I never thought to worry about.