I nearly put my head down on my desk and cried today.
This in no way distinguishes the day from any other I’ve had here, except maybe that it was just once instead of the five times that’s been my daily average. This is not a sign that life here is improving, only that (so far) I’ve been in the office fewer hours today – mostly because I could not face getting here and was late this morning.
I count myself so incredibly unbelievably lucky that I have never in my life had to do a job I hated so much, and with any luck, I will not do this for long. (I think I have to try to last 3 months, although even that seems interminable.) Life is too short to be this miserable, and I am. I don’t want to whip myself up into a frenzy of hatred listing all the things I loathe, so suffice it to say that the job is stuffed full of things I hate to do and almost nothing that I do like to do (never mind the time to do it in). Yes, I will get better at some of the tasks, but I will never ever like to do them. It also doesn’t help that I was bequeathed a series of disasters to sort out, so I constantly am behind. And if I have to go to one more meeting (and there are about a bajillion in my future), I really will cry.
I’d love to regale you with tales of insanity in the New York magazine world, and even though I’ve only worked here 13 days, I’ve got plenty. But I just wanted to pop in to let you know that I’m still here, and that I’m seriously struggling. I’ve gotten to the gym almost every morning, but I’m chained to my desk so barely moving other than that (which means I feel lardier every day, not helped by the fact that I’ve been bingeing oh, at least twice a week, plus eating out constantly).
I’m starting to panic – to really, really panic. I’m starting to consider crazy crash diets and generally freak out. So I need to commit to a few things, so here they are:
1. Return to doing 5 sun salutations every morning. (I was so good about this before I moved...)
2. Strength-train two times per week.
3. Alternate diet Coke with water in office. (I’m getting dehydrated.)
4. Aim to get up from desk at least once per hour. (Yes, seriously.)
More coming, but I’ll start with these!
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Keep your chin up! You'll get through it, just put one foot in front of the other. xx
ReplyDeleteI'm getting seriously dehydrated at work too - so busy that I keep forgetting to start the day with a big glass / bottle of water and keep refilling. ANd the dry weather isn't helping. That's going to be my goal for tomorrow -- good for you for at least getting to the gym. My exercise this week has just been running from meeting to meeting and walking to / from the bus...
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Good that you know that you hate it, but take from it what you can as long as you "have" to be there.
You know what? You tried it. I know it's hard to stick it out for a bit but you will never have the 'what if?' feeling, wondering if you HAD done it, what would it be like? Should you have/could you have? I have heard that people don't regret what they do nearly as much as what they don't do.
ReplyDelete(Sitting in front of a screen ad infinitum (except for meetings)? Welcome to my life!)
Deep breaths - plenty of them......and a 2 litre bottle of water on your desk to get you through the day.
ReplyDeleteAt least you know you TRIED and won't wonder forever .....what if...?
Ah Beth, so sorry to hear that you are so upset with your new job and just downright miserable. Kudos to you though for giving yourself 3 months. Praying that things get better for you soon! Big hugs,
ReplyDeleteMichelle