Day One, Again

If you don’t like starting over, stop quitting.

I saw this on Instagram, I think it was, the other day, and it struck me. I am so tired of starting over.

And then I binged again anyway this weekend, maybe because I knew tomorrow was coming.

On Friday I signed up for a five-day trial of a diet delivery program, and I’m scared. Although I’ve tried to stick to a plan for the past year or so that puts me anywhere between 1500 and 1800 calories, this is a stricter limit – something like 1200 to 1400.

But I’m tired of feeling uncomfortable in my body, and lately, feeling like my life is shrinking as I get heavier. I don’t want to do things, don’t want to meet people, don’t want to see friends I haven’t seen in a while, and am almost relieved when they cancel. That’s not good. I haven’t been this heavy in nearly 10 years, and I don’t want to live this way anymore.

I know, I know I should just focus on not bingeing. But I need a little jump start. I need to feel like something is happening. So five days. And if it goes OK and the food tastes OK I’m going to do it for another week and a half or so, which takes me up until I start traveling for a month. If there are longtime readers left, you’ll probably remember what a mess I can be when I start bingeing when I travel – which is to say, that I can’t stop. But we’re not there yet. One day at a time.

Day one. I’d like to say it’s the last Day One, but for now, one day without a binge is enough.