“Have you lost loads of
weight?” the Heartcore instructor said. “I meant to ask you last week.”
I’ll take the compliment,
but I honestly have no idea (and suspect “loads of weight” is perhaps an
exaggeration, given the way my clothes fit, which is pretty similar to how they
fit when I got here.) I haven’t binged for 46 days now, but as I sadly know too
well, just not bingeing is not enough to lose weight. I debate getting on the
scale a lot of days, but I always end up deciding against it: First of all, I
have nothing to compare it to (haven’t weighed myself for a few years now), and
second of all, no matter what the number is, I’m 99 percent sure it would ruin
my day.
I do know that despite the
required pudding-eating (yes, seriously – I’m supposed to eat it once or twice
a week and not cut back/exercise to compensate) I have lost a little bit of
weight. I get blind-weighed every week as part of the treatment (sometimes, randomly, by male assistants I haven't even met yet), and my
counselor told me last week the number has been gently going down. Of course finding that out made me immediately torn between
wanting to eat a pudding (because hey, I’ve earned it) and restrict to make the
weight peel off faster. Hmm, yes, I guess I do belong in treatment for an
eating disorder…
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