It's Called Gratitude, That's Right

Apologies for the radio silence. I’ve been pretending to study for my UK citizenship test (memorizing population figures and saints’ days and the difference between an EU directive and an EU regulation, oh yay) and in full-on Justify My Existence mode at work. (Foreign bureaus are expensive to run, and most publications have cut theirs. I’m hoping mine won’t be next.) I’ve also been in social overdrive, catching up with friends I haven’t seen – thanks to my travel schedule – since August.

So: Stressed and busy, but also (mostly) happy and grateful. Grateful? Yes, grateful. Lately every day seems to bring a moment of gratitude that I’m not overweight anymore. My life isn’t any easier now that I’ve lost weight – in fact, it’s even created some problems – but so many things are less stressful.

For example: This past weekend I was invited to a fancy dress party (British for costume). I had to get a costume at the last minute and all I could think was: This would have been impossible at my previous weight – or at least, it would have been pretty bloody unlikely not to have involved tears of frustration. But I hopped on the internet, picked a few options to be shipped next day (included a couple of “one size fits all, but oh yeah, when we say ‘all’ we mean ‘up to a UK 10’”), and could be about 99 percent confident that at least one would fit and look OK.

Or: When the weather turned arctic suddenly last week, I could pull out last winter’s coat and know that it would fit.

Or: Checking out options for riding lessons in London with a friend, I noted on the web site that the weight limit is 14 and a half stone (about 200 pounds). It’s unlikely I can afford riding lessons, but at least that’s actually true – not the excuse I would no doubt have used when overweight because I’d have been too embarrassed to say the real reason.

Or: Having drinks Saturday with a friend of a friend, she mentioned she’d lost 26 pounds. When I asked how, she said: “Starving. It’s the only way.” Except it’s not. I watched her skip breakfast the next morning and thought: I am so grateful I don’t have to do that. And that I don’t wake up every morning, as I used to, tired and lethargic from the previous night’s binge or just overindulgence and think: I must do something about losing weight today.

I hope the novelty of being thinner – of constantly noticing how it affects my life – never wears off.