I Predict a Diet

Actually, not so much. For the first time in my entire life, a January has arrived where I am neither (a) totally horrified by my weight and vowing to do something about it nor (b) totally horrified by my weight and stuffing my face over it.

That said, I am not very thrilled that I’m up four pounds. I never in my life thought I’d be one of those women who complains about putting on two pounds, but I could literally feel the two pounds, and four is, erm, doubly bad. Seriously. I can feel it muffining over my jeans. I can see it muffining over my jeans. Ick. (Yes, I am aware that muffining is not a verb.)

So I need to sort that out, and on top of that, to lose another five pounds. So let’s say I’d like to lose another 10 pounds this year – ideally before my birthday in May, but I fully expect these pounds to be a struggle. At the moment, a miserable cold (I forgot how bad colds are – haven’t had one for ages) is preventing me from doing anything much. And come mid-January, I have back-to-back trips to Paris and Cannes, plus a possible trip to Spain, then London Fashion Week. That doesn’t even include possible severe schedule disruptions for breaking news. Right. One day at a time. I can do this. I do not need to let four pounds become 40. I will not let four pounds become 40, and at the moment, I can honestly say that I don’t fear that it might.

Wait. Should I be scared of that?

I had a handful of binges over the festive period – the last of which was on Thursday -- but I feel OK now. A little freaked at how much difference four pounds can make in my clothes, but mostly OK. I’d feel better if I can get through more than two weeks without bingeing (something I haven’t managed since the beginning of November), but I’m working on it.

Of course, I fully realize that Bachelor No. 2 could wreak serious havoc on my efforts. I’m wary. But I think I’m past the point where I need to hibernate and sort myself out – I did that for nearly three months last year. I need to learn to deal with uncertainty and uncomfortable things and accept that there are things I cannot control – and that eating will not make dealing with any of this easier.

So what of Bachelor No. 2? When he disappeared into the Tube on Sunday, telling me to have a good week, I thought it could be ages before I heard from him again. He texted last night and we ended up talking for a couple of hours – one of those meandering conversations that goes from one thing to another and it would take another couple of hours to figure out how you got from where you started to where you ended. As I went to get off the phone, he said he wasn’t going to “be available” (his words) much this week, so did I want to do something this weekend? So we are. I am curious what “available” means (I can’t remember the exact way he phrased it, but it really was a much more strange choice of words than it sounds), but I resisted the urge to ask.

Meanwhile, Captain Australia (separate from the Australian – this one is an Australian working with the English military) wants to see a film. Presumably I can do that without owing anyone an explanation? Bloody hell, this is confusing.