Progress

Lost a pound of the four I put on. I’m vaguely disappointed, as I was hoping the weight would come off in a huge this-was-all-water rush. But alas. I’m trying not to think about the fact that I have to face Paris – and the couture shows – in less than a week, and that I may in fact put the pound straight back on. I’m not planning to, of course – it’s just that things happen when you travel. Or at least, when I do.

Ugh. I’ll tell you why French women don’t get fat. It’s because -- unlike hapless American journalists such as myself – they note that the couture shows are barely three weeks after Christmas and no doubt eat accordingly. I just want to hide out/sprawl out in my flat in tracky bottoms this time of year, rather than confront the fact that my bottom does not fit in the less than eight inches allotted to me at the shows. (Though even without the extra three pounds, my bottom probably still wouldn’t fit – and perhaps never will. Ah well – I’ve done the shows 70 plus pounds heavier, so one would hope they can’t be any worse now.)

Last night on the way home I stopped in the grocery store to pick up some porridge and found myself face to face with cans of Weight Watchers tuna mayonnaise and sweetcorn. I actually feel a bit of fear around any food I don’t usually have in my flat, probably because when I buy it I think about it a lot and spend a lot of time trying to figure out when I can eat it. And then, of course, there’s the fear that once I start I won’t be able to stop eating it. Yes, even Weight Watchers tuna mayonnaise and sweetcorn can strike fear in my heart – pathetic, but true. Perhaps some of the fear comes from wondering what craving eating something new might set off? I honestly don’t know.

I looked at the ingredient list, full of unpronounceable things. I considered how a tuna mayonnaise that doesn’t have to be refrigerated might taste (not very good, I would think) – especially if it only has 77 calories per can. Mostly on the basis of calories alone, I thought about buying a can to try for an at-work snack. Then I thought about my eating over the past year, which hasn’t featured a single ready meal and only occasionally any type of processed food, and felt this strange rush of something – pride. For over a year now I have eaten normal, healthy food, and lost more than 70 pounds doing it. I don’t buy and eat miserable things purely because they’re low in calories – something I’ve done in diets past – and I don’t sit around adding up calories and trying to figure out what I can do with an extra 43 calories because heaven forbid I should leave those unused. I don’t sit around waiting for the next meal and immediately feel hungry upon finishing it, the way I always did in diets past.

I put the Weight Watchers tuna back on the shelf, bought my porridge and milk for the morning, then went home to grill some courgette/zucchini (can’t decide which word I like better) and mushrooms.

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Captain Australia has just texted to say he hasn’t been in touch because he’s having a manic week (he’s turning his doctoral thesis into a book manuscript and it’s due any minute). I have to say, I would have preferred the text be from BN2.