Mad Men

Worst. Date. Ever.

Apparently my standards are way, way, WAY too high. What was I thinking hoping for a man who wouldn't (a) spend the entire date checking for Facebook updates via iphone, (b) inform me of last train times repeatedly from the moment I arrived, plus include status updates, (c) translate things (like football) from English into American for me, despite the fact that I've lived here for seven years and (d) all but bully me into buying chocolate so he wouldn't have to eat his alone, then leave me to pay because he only had a couple of £50 notes (which he insisted on showing me)?

Ugh. Did I mention when I turned up Saturday – in my favourite pink, black and white coat the guys in my office used to call my "Holly Golightly coat" – he frowned at me and said: "Um. You look very checkered."

You look very much like a tosser, dude. And in fact, you're going straight into the bin, along with all of your text messages.

***

Earlier Saturday I met up with friends for a quick drink in Angel. (I was feeling a bit rough from wine bingo the night before, so I stuck to sparkling water.) They'd ordered some food to tide them over until dinner, but as I know I've said before, I try not to eat outside of planned meals and snacks.

One of the guys – a friend of a friend I'd never met before, and one who actually managed to irritate me from "Hello" – offered me some calamari. I shook my head.

"What, you don't like calamari?"

"Actually I do," I said. "I'm just not hungry." (Liar, liar, liar!)

"It's not about being hungry," he said, in the sort of slow, patient tones you use on someone with either limited intelligence or an inability to understand English. "It's about being social."

***
Cost of my favourite Pilates class: Somewhere between £12 and £16, depending on how many you can afford to buy at once.

Having instructor check my abs and (jokingly) prescribe the eating of more cheese fries and ice cream: Priceless.

(Another priceless feeling: That of not having binged for 22 days.)

***

Whittle My Middle April 30
Front plank: 4 minutes (while on hold with Expedia!)
side plank: 1:15 each side
boat pose: 40 sec
plank ups: 12 reps
torso twists: 22 reps (with Bittman)
bicycle: 2 sets of 30
side twists: 12 each side

May 2
plank: 4 minutes
side plank: 1:15 each side
boat pose: 40 sec
plank ups: 14 reps
torso twists: 22 reps (with Bittman)
bicycle: 2 sets of 30
side twists: 14 each side

May 3
plank: 4:20
side plank: 1:15 each side
boat pose: 45 sec
plank ups: 14 reps
torso twists: 22 reps
bicycle: 2 sets of 30 + 1 set of 15
side twists: 14 each side