Hungry Hungry Hippo

A hungry day today, which terrified me and made me fear that I've irreparably damaged both my metabolism and my body's ability to regulate hunger.

My food plan isn't a diet and it's generous -- generous enough that I've already written about fearing gaining weight on it. And yet I felt hungry all day today. (And hungry a lot of yesterday.)

The only thing I can think/hope is that my body is adjusting to such regular intake of carbs (required at every meal and snack), except I've basically been eating carbs at every meal for several weeks. Or maybe it's just my adjusting to "normal" meals, as opposed to my "eat anything you want as long as it's not a binge" meal plan. I think I just have to get through two weeks and see how things shake out, but I'm not sure how.

Today was the dedicated eating disorders group, which felt like a relief after so much talk yesterday of drugs and alcohol, and feeling so separate from everyone else in the group. Much of the eating disorders group was young and anorexic, which usually I have trouble relating to (and, if I'm honest, and though I know it's wrong, wish were my problem), but I didn't have so much trouble with that today. S. was there and I felt acutely aware of worrying about whether this would ruin or strain our friendship or if it would be difficult for me to share honestly. I could feel myself wanting to be liked -- by her, by everyone -- which, of course, is all part of my problem.