London, Day One

Late in the afternoon of the day you arrive on an overnight flight, everything seems like a bad idea. This is what I’m trying to remind myself as I struggle through the hours until I can go to sleep and wake up and hopefully, everything will look better.

The truth is, it hasn’t been a bad day on balance – it’s actually been pretty good. I was lucky enough to have a friend come pick me up at the airport, which was just the nicest thing. S. took me to pick up my keys (this studio, ugh, makes my apartment in NYC look like a palace) and then helped me drag my luggage up multiple flights of stairs. And did I mention one of the suitcases was so heavy (above 70 pounds) that technically American Airlines could have rejected it? I think it was my gift of gab, as a friend likes to call it – I am super-chatty and nice to airline peeps, and either (a) they get caught up and don’t check as properly as they should, or (b) they just want me to shut up and so hurry things along. Good result either way, right?

(Sidenote: I’m not sure how I managed more than 70 pounds of stuff, seeing as I have about three things that fit. But that’s a story for another post, maybe.)

I then hung out with S. a bit more and joined her for a quick lunch with a friend, which saved me from eating on the run / eating junk food for lunch (I haven’t been bingeing for the past few weeks, but I have been doing things like having cake for dinner.) And then we went our separate ways, and I was OK, running a few errand and things, until the exhaustion set in. I can’t quite unpack because I need to buy a few things to unpack into… but before I could do that I needed to buy a tape measure to see what might fit in the wardrobe. Etc Etc. The bathroom is downright depressing, which is terrible in a country that loves baths (I don’t have one). The only thing that saved me from a binge was this feeling that I want to keep the slate clean if I can, so to speak. Maybe, just maybe, I can not binge at all while I’m here? But let's not get ahead of ourselves. 

I start treatment officially on Tuesday (though I have a few meetings Monday). My goal is to post daily. Right now I feel huge and uncomfortable, and am nearing the point of being so sick of eating anything I want (which I've been doing for a few weeks now) that all I want to do is restrict until Monday, because I know I won't be allowed to after that...