The darkness that usually comes once the fog has lifted (about 72 hours) came a tiny bit earlier this time around. Usually after day two I have a few days of relief that my one-day binge has not (yet) turned into a multi-day affair, but I am not feeling quite so grateful this time around.
Which is not good. Because I felt absolutely wretched on Wednesday, and have no desire to repeat the experience. Not, of course, that I ever do. I wish there were some way when one feels the urge to binge to have just a brief sampling of how unbelievably awful one will feel afterward.
Apart from learning I gained a little over a pound today, at the moment I feel curiously unbothered by the binge. I suppose it is because I have been living my life in a way that I do not usually after a binge. I went out to dinner on Saturday night and ordered a starter (a Bibb lettuce, strawberry, and bleu cheese salad) and a main. I did not ask for the dressing on the side of the salad. I asked for no alterations to my pork chop, even though the vegetable it came with was made with bacon.
I haven't ordered this way in years. I haven't been exercising like a madwoman. And I suspect without the big fried dinner on Tuesday night plus the binge I might not even have gained weight.
I wouldn't eat the way I did Saturday every night. I suspect most other people don't, either.
It all feels curiously like the way I imagine the rest of the world lives.
Like life, or something like it.
Day Six.
Yes! I understand what you mean. I always, always feel terrible after a binge (both physically and mentally) and always vow to never do it again. How wonderful it would be to actually remember (and care) how it feels afterwards and have that prevent one from happening. sigh...
ReplyDeleteDay 6 is great. Sometimes I can barely make it through a day or two without overeating which sometimes turns into a binge. I'm envious that you can string whole months together sometimes.
Chin up. I'm rooting for you!