Dear Beth, I've been reading your blod for a while, and started from the beginning. I don't know you, but from what I've read I'm "happy" that you're distancing yourself from BN2. I'm not even sure you should respond him, but that's your call. Best of luck Chub
I agree. His demanding a response is a control mechanism. It's all part of prolonging contact with you, getting you to do what he wants. Unfortunately, I have first hand (sometimes eerily similar, having read your recent posts) experience with your situation, and this is what abusive men do. Just cut off all contact. He doesn't deserve any more of your time or energy.
Yep-I agree with Chub and Rachel. Any contact with him makes him feel like he has control and it doesn't help you. Writing down what you feel about how he has treated you is good. But sending it to him throws the ball back in his court. Even if it isn't explicit, explaining to him what he did and how it made you feel could make him think that you want back in. You're out--stay out. From everything you've written about him, nothing you say to him in a note is going to make him treat you the way you deserve to be treated, or even understand that he treated you horribly. Which he most definitely did.
I know I'm in no position to give you advice. I enjoy your blog an have been wishing you the best. I have had two abusive relationships in the past with shades similar to yours here, and if this revelation is helpful to you at all, then it's worth sharing: There is nothing you can say, no matter how clear or carefully worded, that will make him understand how you feel. Nothing at all. If it isn't in his best interest, he will not hear it and will not understand it. If it is not convenient to him reaching his own ends, it will be as if it never happened. Trying will be a waste of your precious and finite time.
Hopefully my wasted time will be your gain. Wishing you all the best, and strength in the next chapter of your life.
Beth, the explanations that you're carefully - and thoughtfully - writing down mean absolutely nothing to him. Unless he can use your words and manipulate your meanings to get you back under his control.
I know it sounds horrible. But it's the truth. I've come out the other end of my own personal (and more intense if that's possible!) Australian BN2 experience. Oh, but my roses were yellow and there were 2 dozen of them.
*blog*
ReplyDeleteDear Beth,
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blod for a while, and started from the beginning. I don't know you, but from what I've read I'm "happy" that you're distancing yourself from BN2. I'm not even sure you should respond him, but that's your call.
Best of luck
Chub
I agree. His demanding a response is a control mechanism. It's all part of prolonging contact with you, getting you to do what he wants. Unfortunately, I have first hand (sometimes eerily similar, having read your recent posts) experience with your situation, and this is what abusive men do. Just cut off all contact. He doesn't deserve any more of your time or energy.
ReplyDeleteYep-I agree with Chub and Rachel. Any contact with him makes him feel like he has control and it doesn't help you. Writing down what you feel about how he has treated you is good. But sending it to him throws the ball back in his court. Even if it isn't explicit, explaining to him what he did and how it made you feel could make him think that you want back in. You're out--stay out. From everything you've written about him, nothing you say to him in a note is going to make him treat you the way you deserve to be treated, or even understand that he treated you horribly. Which he most definitely did.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI know I'm in no position to give you advice. I enjoy your blog an have been wishing you the best. I have had two abusive relationships in the past with shades similar to yours here, and if this revelation is helpful to you at all, then it's worth sharing: There is nothing you can say, no matter how clear or carefully worded, that will make him understand how you feel. Nothing at all. If it isn't in his best interest, he will not hear it and will not understand it. If it is not convenient to him reaching his own ends, it will be as if it never happened. Trying will be a waste of your precious and finite time.
Hopefully my wasted time will be your gain. Wishing you all the best, and strength in the next chapter of your life.
Tooms is absolutely correct!
ReplyDeleteBeth, the explanations that you're carefully - and thoughtfully - writing down mean absolutely nothing to him. Unless he can use your words and manipulate your meanings to get you back under his control.
I know it sounds horrible. But it's the truth. I've come out the other end of my own personal (and more intense if that's possible!) Australian BN2 experience. Oh, but my roses were yellow and there were 2 dozen of them.
THE POWER PLAYS NEVER EVER END!
Please take care of you. ((hugs))