Thursday 28 May 2009

Love & Betrayal & Hold the Mayo

Yesterday I found out BN2 is going to a ball in June -- a ball we planned to go to but hadn't yet bought the tickets for -- with someone else.

So far, so what, right? Of course he's going to move on, and even if I'm the one who left, it's still going to smart, isn't it?

Well, he asked her at the very beginning of May -- less than 3 days (possibly less than 2 days) after I left, and in the thick of the dramatic emails/voicemails/texts that made me cry. He asked her before he sent me the roses, and the mushy birthday card.

And he's been dating her -- or at least trying to sleep with her -- since March, if not before.

She is a friend of a friend, someone he met at a party a couple of years ago that I took him to. She was (and is, because I saw her at a party a month ago) one of the most annoying people I've ever met, Then again, he's never been choosy.

My friend O is part of the gang BN2 organized to go to the ball, not that O told me that -- despite his asking me if I were OK with the two of them meeting up for a coffee. (I found out about the ball in a completely roundabout way -- isn't that always the case?) So I'm feeling hurt and resentful about that, too.

Meanwhile BN2 is still begging me to come to Venice. It must be because I am the only parent-approved girlfriend at the moment -- don't think his parents would think too much of their precious son if he paraded some other women through. Or maybe he just couldn't choose one, since I know there are many.

I'm so hurt and angry I can hardly concentrate. And yet I have to: Doing miserable BBC talent pool application that almost makes getting a job in the White House look like a cinch. (Actually it is not that bad or unreasonable -- just a lot of work I don't particularly feel like doing at the moment.) I'm so angry I tripped and fell while running this morning, blinded by rage. Why the hell does he keep contacting me when he's got all these other women lined up? Is it really because he needs me around for a Venice shag and then he'll just drop me?

And really, why the hell do I care? Must. Stop.

On the plus side, went to Hay on Wye literary festival this weekend and feeling quite worthy (and, dare I say, even slightly inspired) after listening to talks on the financial crisis, George Eliot, and Abe Lincoln (with a little too much Obama hagiography, but never mind about that). The only way I could have felt more worthy would have been if there were mandatory 5 am yoga or something.

Weight this morning was 143. Don't ask me how -- I consumed way too much cake and biscuits Monday -- but I'll take it.

4 comments:

  1. I think this is good timing - it just shows you that you have definitely made the right decision! This highlights his untrustworthy nature - how could he expect you take anything he had to say seriously when he was already continuing his disrespectful behaviour? And the fact he didn't even tell you shows he knows that you wouldn't accept it, but he still thinks he can get away with it. Leave him and his mum to their trip to Venice together, see how he likes having a week of haranguing like the one he exposed you to!

    Keep being strong! Sending many positive thoughts your way (and very jealous of your trip to the Hay on Wye festival!)

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  2. Hagiography! Good word! See, you still have your sense of humor; that's a good thing.
    It will get easier as time passes; you are doing the best thing for yourself. You deserve to be treated better, and it will happen.

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  3. Yes. Must Stop!! You said it.

    I hope you are beginning to get to the place where he can't hurt you anymore, maybe just annoy you or upset you.

    Keep up the good work on both BN2 and the weight and good luck with job applications etc.

    Lesley x

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  4. Actually I share your fury - what an utter, utter louse. He is beneath contempt but I contempt him anyway!

    He could want this to get back to you to make you jealous in yet another attempt at head-fuckery. But it will fail - he just demonstrates that he is completely worthless, faithless and untrustworthy.

    Phew - rant over!

    And maybe the calories from the biscuits fell out when you fell over? I'll have to try it..... Either way - looking goood!

    love
    Peridot x

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